$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
