I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize