I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
