there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
