I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
