i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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