Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
