I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
