his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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