No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
