We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
