It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
