No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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