I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
