when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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