also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Too much gin, very little bucket
only you would photoshop your dick
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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