i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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