Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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