Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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