I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
