I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
