What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
