Your tits are I can't wait for
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
