I wish I could punch you in the face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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