if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
