Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
