my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
