Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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