In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
