need another drink. this is the easiest way
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
