I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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