whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
