So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
