I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
