he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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