I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
