go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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