Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
