walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
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new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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