So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
