I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
