She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
