it hurts more in the daytime
operation harelip BJ is a go
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
