They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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