I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
time to smoke my breakfast
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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