i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
