If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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