I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
