I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
