I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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