This is not my ceiling
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
