I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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