The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
