Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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