So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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