I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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