We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
