worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
