HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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