I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Two words: blizzard sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
