well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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