My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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