I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A+ Viking dick
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
