Pappa wants mamma naked
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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