I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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