Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
