He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
