brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
