i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
